Chapter Thirty-Eight: Homecoming

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Reality. Hao Ren’s home, 9 p.m.

The heating in the Northeast is truly wonderful. Saya and Shizuka lounged together on the sofa in the living room, dressed in nothing but camisoles and skimpy panties, hugging their pillows as they curled up, popsicles in their mouths, watching some pointless Korean drama.

If this were in the South, the indoor temperature would probably be minus two degrees.

Northern cold is physical damage—just put on more layers and you’re fine. Southern cold is magical damage, and since most humans have low magic resistance, the harm is naturally greater.

“Miss Jukawa, when do you think Master will be back?” Saya asked, her face blank as she stared at the TV screen.

“Hmm~ I don’t really know either,” Shizuka replied, her popsicle stick bobbing as she spoke.

This kind of empty conversation had already repeated itself a dozen times.

Without warning, a pitch-black portal opened above the two, and Hao Ren, accompanied by a group of girls, dropped down from above.

“Heh heh…” Pressed beneath the girls, Hao Ren felt secretly delighted, his hand landing on something soft—seizing the opportunity to cop a feel.

“Ahhhh!” Saya screamed.

A while later, rubbing the spot on his waist where he’d been pinched, Hao Ren haltingly recounted their adventures in the game to Saya and Shizuka.

It turned out that the older woman who had just entered the world and used the Sugoroku item was actually the fujoshi sister, a high-level gamer who had been cursed. Because of the curse, she appeared sixty years older in the next game instance. However, the curse wasn’t very strong; after about three days, as soon as she entered a new game instance, she would return to normal. So, 801 used the Sugoroku to restore herself before taking revenge.

As a high-level gamer, 801 had high standards and didn’t think much of anyone except Hao Ren. Why? Because Hao Ren’s summoned creatures were just too powerful!

It turned out that just as Hao Ren was about to be caught by Yuriko, Lilith discovered a flaw in the game: there were absolutely no restrictions on summoned creatures. Overjoyed, Lilith immediately summoned her own—a parody of Tian Boguang from “Swordsman,” and sent him to kill Hao Ren. A debauched woman paired with a lecherous rogue—what a combo!

Hao Ren couldn’t tolerate this. She had a summoned creature, but he didn’t? Ridiculous! Before Hao Ren could act, several of the girls with high combat ability, such as Ryougi Shiki, had already jumped into action. In a dazzling display, the lecherous Tian was utterly obliterated.

This summoner’s house was getting more unreliable by the day—girls could come and go as they pleased. There wasn’t even a chance for a bit of flirting anymore.

Lilith, too, was predictably blasted into oblivion by Mea’s thermal laser gun.

As for the uncle who had been unconscious almost the entire time, in Kuro’s words: “He wasn’t even worth killing.”

Fine, let him go.

But immediately after, he was shredded by Nemesis. Her explanation: “He looked disgusting, so I couldn’t help myself.”

Fine, as you wish.

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Sister 801 envied Hao Ren for having so many powerful summoned creatures, but she wasn’t jealous. When Hao Ren asked her why, she didn’t answer—instead, she summoned her own creature.

A man in his twenties appeared—thick eyebrows, large eyes, sharp features, dressed in a blue worker’s uniform. Freshly released from his gem, he seemed a bit bewildered, glancing around aimlessly. When his eyes landed on Hao Ren, he brightened, pulled his zipper down to his abdomen with one hand, sat down cross-legged, and flashed a charming smile: “Care for a round? (Yaranaika?)”

A real man—Kouwa Abe.

One of the most famous “philosophical” men in all of anime—how could Hao Ren not recognize him?

In an instant, Hao Ren darted behind Saeko, clutching her tightly, trembling all over.

Even the strongest men fear such a natural enemy.

“Sister 801, I’m sorry—can you please put him away?” Hao Ren’s voice trembled, tears welling in his eyes. Had he suffered some kind of psychological trauma?

“Hey, Black Flame Dragon, do you have a summoned creature like this? They’re really hard to find. If you do, I’ll pay a high price,” 801 said.

Hao Ren didn’t reply. Instead, he tossed his spatial gem to 801.

In the end, Diao Chan was bought by 801 for a high price of 1,000 LP.

Hao Ren stared at his LP, now up to 2,766, and grinned foolishly with happiness.

When he looked up, he saw the muscleman Diao Chan and Good Man Abe gazing passionately at each other. Abe formed an “OK” sign with his left hand, then slid his right index finger through the circle made by his thumb and forefinger. Diao Chan raised an eyebrow, struck a classic side chest pose, then pointed behind him. The two exchanged knowing looks and slipped into the school building, followed by the reverberating sounds of “philosophical” gasping.

At this, Hao Ren wept like a child.

In the end, Hao Ren was the victor. 801 conceded, saying there was no need to fight with a kid. As the item user, she had considerable authority anyway—she simply changed the victory conditions and canceled the erasure setting.

As expected, players can’t beat GMs.

The winner’s prizes were twofold: first, Kanade Tachibana, who knelt beside Hao Ren, clutching his sleeve and refusing to let go. The second…

“Young lady, may I admire your chest?” A sleazy male voice emanated from a black Sharp SH005 flip phone, its body writhing and background light flashing ceaselessly, as the infuriating phone began hitting on Saya.

“Don’t even think about it!” Saya grabbed both ends of the phone and twisted with all her might.

“Oh~ right there! I’m going! I’m going!” Crack. It was snapped in half.

Strangely, no matter how many pieces it was broken into, it would repair itself and return to normal within a minute.

“Beautiful lady, your chest is the treasure of my dreams. Let me admire it,” it persisted, now harassing Shizuka.

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“No, thank you!” The usually scatterbrained school nurse, uncharacteristically decisive, brought her hand down in a karate chop, splitting the phone in two.

“A tsundere future!” the phone declared with a cryptic dying message, before sacrificing itself once more.

Item: Sharp SH005. Ability unknown.

What a scam—could this even be called a reward?

Name: Kanade Tachibana
Attributes:
Strength: 18
Agility: 20
Constitution: 19
Intelligence: 23
Spirit: 27
Charisma: 16
Loyalty: 95
Relationship: Intimate

Skills:
“Guard Skill” Lv1 (0/500): Includes Hand Sonic, Distortion, Delay, Overdrive, Harmonics, Absorb, and Howling. Can be activated for 10 minutes by consuming 10 LP, or permanently at Lv1 by spending 500 LP. Can be upgraded using LP.

“Angel Wings” (Passive, no level): Allows unrestricted flight.

“Undying Body” Lv1 (0/1000): Doubles healing speed. If the owner suffers lethal damage, they enter a feigned death state. Any lethal damage is recovered from within 60 minutes. Can be upgraded with LP.

Now this—this is what a real reward should look like.