Chapter Thirty-Two: The Classic Trap

“Yes,” Hao Ren replied. Standing on his shoulder was a crow; though its appearance was that of an ordinary crow, its eyes were a strange shade of orange.

Having already known the events to come, Hao Ren had mentioned a few things to Xiao An and the others before the meeting. Afterwards, Xiao An and Maya proposed entering Hao Ren’s Summoner’s Cabin so they could be at his side in an instant should danger arise—a gesture that deeply moved Hao Ren. Shiina wished to stay by Hao Ren’s side twenty-four hours a day; in her words, it was the way of the ninja. Though, he wondered whether Yuri and the others would question this. As for Nemesis, her entire form rippled and shifted, transforming into a crow so she could perch openly on Hao Ren’s shoulder. While Hao Ren protested that a crow would be even more conspicuous, he was met with sharp pecks from the little bird’s beak. Well, Hao Ren was never good at refusing the kindness of others—or perhaps, he simply couldn’t say no to cute girls—so he gave in before his face became riddled with holes.

“Hey, where’d you get that? Ah, never mind, it’s not important. Remember to gather at the gym at five this afternoon. Alright, dismissed,” Yuri said, easily letting Hao Ren off the hook while he was still scrambling for an excuse. The others seemed similarly uninterested, dispersing to make their own preparations.

“So easy-going,” Hao Ren murmured, stroking the little crow’s head, baffled by the group's nonchalance toward such an oddity.

“Perhaps they've seen even stranger things,” the crow said, preening its wings.

“True enough. Let’s get ready ourselves.”

Evening, the gymnasium.

“Heave-ho!” The hatch beneath the stage swung open, revealing a passage leading underground.

“Kouji, are you bringing that crow on the mission too?” Yuri asked, a note of exasperation in her voice.

“Ha ha, please indulge me,” Hao Ren replied with an awkward chuckle.

“Fine. One warning, though: animals in this world can’t be revived once they die,” Yuri said, then took the lead, plunging into the passage.

Don’t worry, Hao Ren thought. If everyone else dies, this bird won’t survive either.

He found the texture of Nemesis’s feathers increasingly pleasant as he stroked her, unaware that she, caught between pleasure and discomfort, was making a momentous decision.

Descending into the passage…

“It’s so dark,” Otonashi remarked, glancing around.

“Hey! Who’s there?” Fujimaki, the wooden sword guy, shone his flashlight into the gloom ahead. There, standing with his back to the group, one hand holding an axe at an angle, was Noda, striking a pose as though he was in a drama. A confident smirk played at the corner of his mouth, and his axe gleamed as if accompanied by sound effects.

“Wow, what an idiot,” Hinata quipped. Nice.

“You’re Otonashi, right? I haven’t acknowledged you yet,” Noda declared, pointing his massive axe at Otonashi.

“I really don’t see the point of him waiting here like this,” Hinata said, giving Noda the look one reserves for fools.

“Noda just loves this kind of spectacle,” Ooyama said, his presence barely discernible.

“Utter nonsense,” Yuri muttered, shaking her head.

“I have no desire for your acknowledgment,” Otonashi replied coolly. Was he a bit tsundere?

“You bastard, this time I’ll kill you a thousand times—wahaha!” As the sound effect “All the way here…” played, Noda was struck by a falling mallet, slammed into the wall in the shape of a swastika, his body spurting red ketchup with abandon, then buried completely by falling rocks.

First blood!

Hao Ren hadn’t expected the actual background music from “My Most Precious Treasure” to start playing; the scene was impressively faithful.

“Combat positions!” At Yuri’s command, everyone crouched and drew their weapons, readying themselves.

“The traps weren’t disabled?” Of course not—the hapless swastika-shaped example moments ago made that plain.

“What’s going on?” Otonashi, pulled to safety by his reliable friend Hinata, looked around blankly.

“As you can see, the path to the Guild is riddled with deadly traps meant for the Angel, and all of them are still active,” Hinata explained.

“So that means…”

“Did someone forget to disarm the traps?” Surely, as comrades, they wouldn’t be that negligent.

“Are they trying to wipe us all out?” But nobody can really die here, so what’s to fear?

“No, the Guild must have activated the traps themselves,” Yuri said calmly.

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious? There’s only one truth: the Angel has appeared.” Hao Ren couldn’t quite handle hearing “there’s only one truth.” Aoyama, you’re sure you didn’t steal case files from the police station?

“Here?”

“Just well then,” TK offered, as enigmatic as ever.

“A miscalculation,” Shiina murmured, still every bit the traditionalist as she guarded Hao Ren’s side. She’d tailed him all day, even standing outside when he went to the bathroom. Luckily, these idiots, whose emotional intelligence was even lower than their IQs, didn’t care; in any other story, Hao Ren would have been burned at the stake by now.

“Does the Guild know we’re here and still do this?” Otonashi asked—a commendable habit, to seek answers.

“You still don’t get it,” Takamatsu said, adjusting his glasses. “No matter what, we can’t die—though we still feel the pain of death.”

“That’s exactly why I hate this,” Otonashi sighed, as everyone’s attention shifted to the blood-stained axe stuck in the rock pile like a gravestone.

“Be careful,” Hao Ren whispered to Nemesis and Shiina.

“Don’t worry, my master,” Nemesis’s voice echoed in Hao Ren’s mind. He’d almost forgotten she could communicate telepathically.

“Understood.” Shiina, must you always kneel?

“The traps can only buy a little time. We press on,” Yuri declared, her leadership shining through.

Guild, Communication Tunnel B3.

Hao Ren raised his gun, following the main group with caution.

“So, what kind of traps are there?” Otonashi, ever the chatterbox.

“All kinds. Just look forward to it,” Hinata replied. What was there to look forward to? Experiencing ten thousand different ways to die?

“Not good, something’s coming,” Shiina warned, sensing it first as she landed lightly.

“Shit!” Hao Ren swore.

It was the classic giant rolling boulder trap.

“Run!!”

“Oh God! Crazy!” TK voiced Hao Ren’s exact thoughts.

Hao Ren scooped the crow into his arms and sprinted for his life.

The iron boulder crushed everything in its path. Though Hao Ren’s body couldn’t withstand Maya’s transformed blades, no iron ball could truly kill him—it was, after all, a blunt weapon. Still, he wasn’t interested in masochism; only a true glutton for pain would want to experience death for fun.

“This way!” Shiina called from a small side passage ahead on the right, reaching it first. The rest of the group scrambled after her in a sorry state. Otonashi was once again saved by his loyal friend Hinata, who helped him slip into the gap between the iron ball and the tunnel, narrowly avoiding death.

“Waaah!” With a high-pitched wail, Takamatsu—lacking a friend’s help—was the next to go down.

“That was Takamatsu’s voice. He’s out,” Hinata remarked coolly.

“Apart from Takamatsu, everyone’s fine. Let’s go,” Yuri said with ruthless efficiency, though she knew Takamatsu couldn’t really die.

“Thanks for saving me,” Otonashi said gratefully to Hinata.

“No big deal. Actually, I’m rather fond of you,” Hinata replied, winking with a playful air.

Such a bromantic answer.

“Is it—like this?” Otonashi asked awkwardly, raising his pinky finger.

“Of course not!!!”

Apparently, in Japan, raising one’s pinky means girlfriend, but here, perhaps it meant boyfriend…

Good grief, that’s a bit much.