Chapter 128: Searching One's Soul

The spring breeze of February is like a pair of scissors, tailoring the world into a vibrant shade of green.

Not far from the bestowed-heaven pavilion, in the serene gardens, Wu Yueling sat quietly by a stream, her hair unbound and flowing loose. Beside her rested a massive white tiger, while she cradled a plump little lynx in her arms.

At this moment, Wu Yueling was unnaturally quiet, resembling a leaf floating on the surface of the stream, stirring not a single ripple. Everything was tranquil and still, leaving all things to drift along with the current.

The reflection in the water captured a blurred profile. Her long, dark hair draped over her chest, unrestrained by any binding ribbons. Two long fringes parted naturally across her forehead, accentuating the woman's beauty while exuding a bold, heroic spirit uncommon among women.

Her exquisitely curved eyebrows carried a faint, chilling aura of slaughter, mixed with half a cup of sorrow and half a cup of steadfast resolve.

Her hazy gaze gradually cleared, turning slowly into a crystal-clear mirror that reflected the appearance of the little lynx and sideways mirrored the action of the giant white tiger licking its own paws.

At that moment, she awoke from her daze. Reaching out, she scooped up a handful of stream water, brought it to her lips, and sipped it. Clad in white, bathed in the spring sunshine spilling from the sky, she was surrounded by absolute silence—she heard nothing at all.

After an unknown length of time, the gentle gurgling sound of the flowing stream cautiously broke through her anxious thoughts. Several figures suddenly appeared in the water's reflection: Cen Can and dozens of youths, both boys and girls, many of whom were around her own age.

She raised her head, using both hands to comb her hair back behind her. Having such long strands was still somewhat unfamiliar to her. Her gaze swept over the children. The tallest among them, a sallow-faced girl, seemed uneasy under her cold glance and obediently lowered her head. Only then did Wu Yueling realize that she herself seemed to have changed.

"Who are these children?"

"Reporting to the Princess, they were imprisoned in a stronghold of the Manichean sect. According to intelligence, they were originally meant to be trained as assassins. They underwent extremely harsh training, a narrow escape through nine deaths!" When Cen Can explained, he placed heavy emphasis on the phrase "nine deaths."

Wu Yueling had long since heard of the cruel methods used to train such devoted adherents. Through Shao Qinglin's accounts, she understood to some extent that daily struggles took place there, much like throwing a pack of wild beasts into a cage and waiting for them to tear each other apart until only the one that survived the slaughter was deemed worthy of walking out of the cage.

"I understand," Wu Yueling said indifferently, wondering when she had grown so calm and detached.

"How does the Princess plan to dispose of them?"

Cen Can lowered his head, stealing a glance at the beautiful yet slightly chilling Princess. The yearning in his heart grew all the more solid. He felt deep sympathy for these youths; surviving in such an environment was truly no easy feat.

"Incorporate all of them into the militia, and you shall lead them personally!"

***

Hearing these words, Cen Can looked up, then nodded in assent. He had not expected the Princess to make such a decision. But on second thought, he shook his head with a faint, wry smile—his innermost thoughts had long since been seen through by the Princess. It was the first time he realized how meticulous her mind truly was, and a surge of profound respect welled up within him.

The giant white tiger suddenly poked its head out from behind the Princess, draining the color instantly from the faces of a few quick-witted youths. They were genuinely terrified, with some even stumbling backward and shouting in panic that there was a tiger! That the tiger ate people!

Once Cen Can and the others departed, Wu Yueling leaned against the back of the white tiger, stroking its head. In the blink of an eye, it had grown this large, and the little lynx was no exception.

Seeming to sense its master's mood, the little lynx let out a delicate, obedient meow and tried to climb up onto her shoulder. After a long while of rolling and scrambling, it simply couldn't make it up because of its excessively round body, leaving it to utter a grievance-filled, indignant meow.

After another moment, Chu'er walked over carrying a person with a helpless expression.

Wu Yueling looked over. Who was that fellow again?

The young girl had her mouth muffled and her hands and feet bound.

Seeing the captive's appearance, a shred of memory stirred in her mind. It seemed to be the woman who had been bathing in the wooden barrel that night, but what was the situation now?

Hua Chu'er knew why her mistress was uncertain, so she recounted the whole ordeal of how this little pampered girl named Lan'er had attempted to take her own life.

Hearing this, Wu Yueling instantly felt a toothache coming on. It seemed to be because the girl had lost her chastity that she acted this way. How was such a matter to be handled? Emotional scars were far more difficult to heal than physical ones. Looking at Lan'er, whose eyes had regained a trace of clarity as she wept, she was momentarily at a loss for what to do.

Out of options, she could only remove the cloth gagging Lan'er's mouth and asked softly, "Isn't it good to be alive?"

Those words were like the final grain of sand breaching a water levee, completely unleashing the pent-up agony in Lan'er's chest.

Lan'er burst into heartbreaking, soul-shattering sobs.

Wu Yueling pulled her into her embrace. At this moment, aside from a warm embrace, what else could she possibly do? And a warm embrace was precisely what Lan'er needed.

After an unknown duration, Lan'er finally choked back her sobs.

Wu Yueling could feel that her white clothes and the little lynx were both soaked with hot tears. *Goodness,* she thought, *who would have expected so much grievance and reluctant tears? This poor little child has truly suffered.* As for coming to this world, she had not harbored many ambitions initially; but now, driven by compassion, perhaps she would give her all to build a normal home for these children in the future, even if it meant changing until she no longer recognized herself.

***

"Answer me, isn't it good to be alive?"

"I want to, but Lan'er hates it, I hate it so much! I hate this world, I hate those people! And I hate myself!"

Stroke Lan'er's head, Wu Yueling gazed at the reflection in the lake, wondering if saying this was the right thing to do. Perhaps only this could sustain her will to live. "Then you must grasp the rope of hatred and climb up from the abyss. Even if you are merely lingering on, you must survive! And then, exhaust every ounce of your strength to slowly grow stronger, until you slaughter everyone you hate! After all, once you are dead, you possess nothing. At the very least, right now, you still possess your hatred!"

Hearing this, Lan'er froze, her gloomy gaze finally losing its confusion. This beautiful elder sister's words made profound sense—once dead, one possessed nothing. Right now, she still held onto her hatred; this was the driving force to keep her alive. She wanted revenge.

"But how can Lan'er become stronger? What should Lan'er do?"

Wu Yueling did not answer. Instead, she glanced at Chu'er.

Chu'er had been boredly toying with her own hair. Seeing her mistress look over, she could only give a disgruntled nod, offer a few words of explanation, and lead Lan'er away.

After they left, the surroundings grew quiet once more. She glanced at the resting female cow. Her stare made the cow's nose twitch. Withdrawing her gaze, she thought that this creature was truly afraid of her. The giant white tiger's healthy growth was entirely thanks to its efforts; the cow could well be considered the white tiger's half-mother.

*Well, a tiger's cow-mother—sounds not half bad,* she mused.

Picking up the little lynx, she found the creature as heavy as a lead ball.

The little lynx dangled its four short legs, reveling in its master's pampering, and let out a few joyful meows.

Looking at the spherical, roly-poly little lynx, Wu Yueling recalled how the little fellow had been hideously skinny back then. Her thoughts drifted back to the reflections she had pondered for so long, and she asked herself: what was her pursuit now? In the past, money and a carefree life were what she sought; but now...

She set the little lynx down. The teardrop star fragment pendant on her chest slipped out, glowing brilliantly and tempting the little lynx to reach out and bat at it.

A self-deprecating smile curved her lips. Her so-called pity for the world was nothing more than her own selfish desire after all. When all was said and done, she remained a selfish person. For the sake of this selfishness, and for the lingering obsession born from meeting Wan'er back then, a boundless, bone-chilling frost swept overwhelmingly through her eyes!