Chapter Thirty-Four: Clearing Away Past Grievances

Lei Zhanjun’s words left both Zhang Wenhao and his mother deeply surprised, but it was Zhang Xingping whose emotions ran deepest. From his expression, it was clear that a weight had been lifted from him.

“Zhanjun,” Zhang Xingping sighed heavily. “You know my temper. After what happened back then, I did blame you, and I blamed you for many years. But today, I’ve come to understand that I shouldn’t have blamed you, or anyone else for that matter. In truth, no one was at fault—except perhaps ourselves. My blame was just an excuse, something to help me explain the loss of those thirty-six brothers, something to convince myself. Yet in the end, I realize now, it was my own mistake.”

As he spoke, Zhang Xingping poured a glass of wine for both himself and Lei Zhanjun, raising his cup first. “Zhanjun, I didn’t leave the army because of you. It’s just as people say—I lost my nerve. After witnessing so much life and death, I grew tired, I wanted to retreat. No matter how bright the future ahead, I couldn’t stay in the army any longer. So please, don’t blame yourself.”

Lei Zhanjun, holding back tears, nodded gently and choked out, “Brother Zhang, even if you don’t blame me, I’ve always blamed myself. After you were discharged, many of the others left the army as well. Over the years, I’ve tried to reach out, but very few were willing to respond. I know—they hold me responsible. Every July, I return to the southwest to burn paper offerings and bring a good bottle of wine for those brothers who rest there. I want to atone, but I never know where to begin.”

Zhang Xingping gave a helpless, bitter smile. “Zhanjun, why put yourself through this? You don’t need to bear this guilt any longer. The others keep in touch with me often. They don’t avoid you out of blame, but because they don’t want to awaken those painful memories. We’re all running from it, none of us daring to face it directly. If this goes on, we’ll never get past this hurdle in our hearts. Here’s what I suggest: I’ll reach out to everyone, see who’s available, and let’s find a place to gather. We’ll all say what we’ve been holding back for so long. It’ll be good for everyone.”

“Yes!” Lei Zhanjun suddenly gripped Zhang Xingping’s hands, his voice trembling with excitement. “Brother Zhang, call all the brothers together! No matter where they are, as long as they’re willing to come, I’ll take care of everything—food, travel, accommodations, all on me. All these years, I’ve hoped and waited for just such a day.”

“Agreed!” Zhang Xingping nodded. “I’ll take care of it. From now on, let’s not bring up this topic again. In front of you, my brother, and my wife and child, let’s talk of happier things.”

Lei Zhanjun wiped away his tears and nodded firmly.

Zhang Xingping changed the subject first, asking, “Zhanjun, you’ve been in Nanjiang Province for five or six years now, haven’t you?”

Lei Zhanjun nodded. “That’s right. I was transferred here from Fuzhou six years ago.”

“What about your wife?” Zhang Xingping asked.

“She’s in Beijing,” Lei Zhanjun replied. “She’s the daughter of one of my father’s old comrades, but she’s not in the military.”

As he spoke, Lei Zhanjun glanced at Zhang Wenhao. “My daughter is probably about the same age as Wenhao—she’s in her last year of high school in Beijing. But her grades aren’t as good as Wenhao’s.”

It was the first time Zhang Wenhao had ever been complimented on his grades by an outsider, and he felt a little awkward. Zhang Xingping, however, laughed and said, “This boy Wenhao didn’t use to work hard, but now he’s finally started studying. His mother and I can finally relax a bit.”

Lei Zhanjun nodded and turned to Zhang Wenhao. “Wenhao, go home with your parents tonight and rest for a few days. These next few days, I’ll talk with the education authorities and ask them to speak to your school. Your father told me how your school made things even harder for you this time—they even had the police take you away in front of the whole school during the flag-raising ceremony. Don’t worry, however your reputation was damaged, Uncle Lei will help you recover it. Next Monday, you’ll return to school with your head held high!”

Zhang Wenhao quickly replied, “Uncle Lei, I’m already very grateful that you managed to get me out of the detention center. As for my reputation at school, it’s not that important to me, so please don’t trouble yourself.”

“How can that be?” Lei Zhanjun frowned. “A real man needs to know when to yield and when to stand tall, but if you yield, you must also find the chance to stand tall again! Yielding without ever standing tall, that’s just cowardice—that’s not what a real man does. You may still be young, but you can’t lose your dignity, nor can you let your father lose his. If you lose face, you must reclaim it! That’s how a real man handles things!”